The Fear of an Unlived Life
Full disclosure. This is the desk of a woman who can't quite find her edges. My creative life, motherhood, leadership, art— all of it piling into one beautiful, exhausting existence that I didn't have the energy to tidy up last night.
The edges are the places where we can push ourselves no further. Where exhaustion feels like living. Where we could die in that very moment and know nothing was being left on the table. I’m like this. I always have been.
I also crave leaning against big bass speakers while the music is raging until my heartbeat takes on the tempo of the band.
I LOVE teaching music. I'm also in love with the professional association that taught me how to run a music studio. So I volunteer on the executive board as a way of giving back a fraction of what they have given to me.
I needed to write a book. So I wrote three. Then I opened a publishing company that currently has $237 in the bank. Why did I need to write the book? To set some things straight. Because my curiosity about the why eats me from within.
And I’m a mom (if you happen to be one of those too? Well, that alone will take you to your edges). And a daughter and a friend and a wife.
My desk is screaming it at me this morning: You’ve reached the edge. But Good God don’t you love feeling that feeling? Isn’t THAT what we’re here for? To be as present in our worlds as we possibly can be?
Because I will tell you this my friends. My biggest fear is not public speaking or spiders or even dying. My biggest fear is coming upon my last day and realizing I left most of myself undiscovered.
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